another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
