just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
