you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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