I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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