I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
