How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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