you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
