I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
