I'm really into asian looking animals
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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