I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
