I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
