I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
