he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
A bitchslap is in order.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
