It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
50% drunk capacity currently
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
