i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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