i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
