I am puke
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
