Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
