I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
