so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
