A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
