The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
