There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
