I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
