So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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