I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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