morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize