I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize