Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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