Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
