I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
