OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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