Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
