I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
