At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
