The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
