I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
