Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
