She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
