i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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