Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
