Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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