Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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