Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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