That's intense
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
