btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
