I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
try to milk me bitch
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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