I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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