So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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