3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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