i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
