this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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