He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
