It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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