I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
