im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
