Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
