in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
