if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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