i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
