You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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