I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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