Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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