I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
