Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
