Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
