i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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