finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
