did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
