I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
