If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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