the condom got lost in my hair
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
